Shedding.

Not hair, but tears.

I want everything to be easier.

I'm so stupid for answering that phone call, I wouldn't have to be going through any of this if it wasn't for you. It IS your fault though, not mine. It's always yours.

I reallllyyy want to just leave right now. Like, I feel like I'm going to be crying until I leave. Idk why, there's nothing making anything easier for me. Except for dance, but the outcome of that is being sore for days.

Thank you Jeff for teaching us the amazing piece we're not even done with for Friends & Family hahaha. I love it.

& Rehearsal was amazing .. I love love LOVE Studio 429 so much.

Today we had the Peer Counseling Parent Dinner. Omg, thanks guys for ALWAYS making me cry. But on the reals, I hellllaa appreciate my parents for everything. & I love them so much .. I don't know how it's going to be without them ): I feel so selfish because I complain about every no they say. & usually they say yes. I hate myself for giving them that unnecessary attitude. Ughhhhhh.

I just cleaned my room for the first time in forever. I only clean when I'm mad or sad .. I realized that.

But I should go to bed before anything else happens.

Thanks everyone whose been there. I know I sound like a drama queen .. but moving somewhere for a couple of years is not easy when you never moved in your life !

xoxo

Stressed.

Ughhhh. I don't know why I'm getting so worked up over getting ready for college. It's riight around the corner & I have no clue what to do next.

So I have decided to go to SFSU. I'm leaving on March 13 to go take a tour of the college. I'm so excited.

I really really wish YOU would be here. Some "friend". I'm pretty sure when you wanted me to be there for you, I was there. Where are you when it's my turn ? I'm so sick of selfish people. I mean I know I'm selfish, but not that selfish. Shit.

I'm worried about what's next, senior portfolio, making up my two D's, dance, getting my trip organized. kjlfjgalfdjg I just don't know. This is why I fuckin` need you ! I'm getting so .. (#&%(#& over it. & I'm sorry if I blow up. I'm just so full of stress.

I just feel like crying it all out. Cause I'm that much of a baby );

Fuck you .. seriously. You really make me happy I'm leaving.

xoxo

Big decisions.

So I'm more than 50% sure I want to go to San Francisco State. This was my #1 choice when I started applying, and I know I'd regret it if I didn't give it a try. I can always come back right?

The things I get into though .. I wish I never answered that phonecall ): I'm getting too close to people I shouldn't be close with, it's making everything so much harder. I don't wanna leave themmmm. If only I had a big box for them so I can just pack them with me !

He makes me happy .. ): They make me happy.

Raaaawwr. I hate being in situations like this ! I've been so emotional over it. I keep crying because I really can't see my life without these people! It's not that I neeeed them, I just want them ! They make everything better. Through thick and thin.

"I know you think I don't care, but I'm going to miss you a lot" I hate you for saying that because now it just keeps repeating in my head and making thing 10x more harder !

I think if I left, I'd be back every freakin` month knowing me, I get homesick so easily. But that's costly ):

Time for bed though .. I've been sick x_x

xoxo

San Francisco State University

I got admitted .. woohoo. =/ I really am happy .. it was my number one choice at the beginning of the year. But now that I've grown to looove my team & my close friends .. it's so hard making a decision.

I hated living here and I just wanted to pack everything & just leave. Now I just wanna get out of high school. I don't know how I'm going to leave Studio 429. My second family ): It's amazing how close I got to them..it sucks how we were just talking about how much we meant to each other ): That makes everything so much harder.

As much as I wanted to get in, I wish I didn't because I wouldn't have to make sucha hard decision. I feel like I was more happy to get admitted into Cal State San Marcos because it was right there from home..my studio & my real home hahah.

Being a senior IS tough. Sooo many decisions to make.

I want to leave for the experience .. but geeeeze. &&&& I know I can always come back if things don't work out for me there. I just don't know.

& I feel like crying. Even though that wouldn't help the situation at all .. I'm sucha baby I hate it.

"Where is #*&$*#$(#$ I need a shoulder to cry on !" Hahha. Our convos. Oh how J.R. can make me feel better. This is why I love my teammates. "Just think you didn't get accepted, so the decision will be easier !" Yeah J.R. it doesn't help when I already read the letter & saw the e-mail.

Ahh .. I'm so stressed. I tend to stress myself out way more than I should be.

Oh & having .... back in my life doesn't help at all. I seriously just wanna shut the door on the for good until I leave and maybe this decision will be easier. At the same time .. I know w/o them, I'd be going through hell 10x more.

Friick.

Tru-Def had a performance today at Marshall Middle School. Hahaha..that was great. Once again, I love my team ! I have no idea how to stress that anymore. I have so much fun with them. They really are amazing people ..

But I should get to bed. So tired & overwhelmed. Good nigh.

xoxo

Rehearsal days.

I love rehearsal. Today was a pretty deep day for us, sitting for 1 1/2 hours just talking about how we feel. I love Shannon for writing essay's about us. I love Jacki for being so happy for being on the team w/ all of us. I love everyone b/c they make me happy (: I am thankful for being on this team. I wanted this soooo bad & now I'm finally on it. Our first competition felt GREAT because I worked SO hard to make it since I didn't make it last season. I love you Tru-Definition. & when this season is over, I want you all to be in my life still (:

College update ! So far I only got a letter from Cal State San Marcos. I have to wait for San Fran. State & SDSU still. ): Gahhhh. I have a biiiig decision to make. If I make it into SFSU, I don't know weather or not I wanna move there. I'm gonna miss my two families here.

My latest obsession over a song is Kiss Me Thru The Phone - Soulja Boy. Ahh. Idk why I like it so much ahaha.

Performance at Marshall Middle School on friday ! 6:30, be there !

I'm so excited for Friends & Family, MC Airbands, KAR, WOD, Showstoppers National, & Del Mar. Woohoooo.

I'm still sick ): Baaad headache right now, & Jeff's class killed me today !

xoxo

Reminiscence.

Oh how I miss the old days .. ): But this is where fate comes in. It's hard to be around the person you really care for & not be able to tell them what you want to tell them. But it's not the right time for us to be together, maybe we won't ever be together again. Buuut I gotta believe in Serendipity. If it was meant to be, it'll come x_x

On the bright side ! I watched our video (: Omfg Tru-Def !!!!!! I love you guys, no freakin` joke ! We are one amaaazing team. & I'm so excited for rehearsal tomorrow.



&&&&& FRIENDS AND FAMILY IS NEXT MONTH. For all those people who like to perform but AREN'T on a team, go take class at Studio 429. You can perform in our show (:

Our boy scout performance is this friday too. (: Marshall Middle School 6:30 !

BTW; I have the stomach flu AGAIN. -_- I stayed home today, but I'll be back tomorrow (;

Bye loves !

xoxo

Double Platinum 1st Place !

Thanks sooo much Tru-Definition for the amazing time this weekend (: WE WON DOUBLE PLATINUM GUYSSSS ! 3rd overall. Ahhhh, our first competition too !

& congratulations for the rest of the studio for doing SO good at the competition. My throat is so so sooo tired from it all ! I wish we could just re-do this whole weekend ! It's too good to end ):

Disneyland was super fun (: We were at California for like ... 2 hours lol ! gay.

I WENT ON SPACE MTN. FOR THE FIRST TIME. Omg. ): So scary at first but soo fun ! I loved this weekend !

Boo school ):

Bye !

xoxo

Good day!

Yayyyyyy. Tomorrow is Showstoppers ! I can't believe it's already here omg ! All I've been doing is listen to our medley hahaha. I'm so excited ! Then Disneyland for the rest of the weekend.

But GOOD LUCK TD, BT, PS, RD, AND PRODUCTION TEAM. (: I love you guuyyysss <3

Today was a gooood ass day.

I got accepted into Cal State San Marcos YAAY. I really don't think I'm going to San Fran. State anymore ): Too far and too much money I DON'T have. & I couldn't just leave my studio family like that <3 & my real family hahaha.

I'm happy (:

& mofo, stop confusing me. Pick me or her PLEASE. If you're gonna be doing all this cute stuff for me, don't go to her right after. You're just pissing me off & it's not cute at all. I know you're stupid little plan -_-

Okay. I have food coma right now, so I'm about to fall asleep blogging !

Later pimps & hoes.

xoxo

Excited.

Yaaaay showstoppers is in 2 days ! I'm sooo nervous but so excited. First competition of the season (: I lovee love LOVE my team. We get to spend the wholllee weekend together .. oh great. LOL. Jk ! Our performance is on Saturday, California after ? Then watch the rest of the teams on Sunday then Disneylandddddddd. Woohooooo ! (: It's going to be fun.

Then Monday, Wow with April, Kim & mayyybbee Angel. I have to pick these bums up. Woohooo -_- Ahahahaha.

Life .. has been so crazy .. thanks everyone whose stuck with me through it all. Leslie, Janelle, & John. That's you (: I love you guys. Plus Prandy LOL. I couldn't ask for more out of you guys. Thanks for understanding everything. Thanks for making me laugh when I need it.

There has been soooooooo much drama. I'm so tired of it. I'm not even gonna deal with it anymore. Thanks for the time you DID give me. Have a great fucking life !

Last night .. was really .. random and surprising. But I liked it (: That's confidential !

Valentine's day is in 2 days too. No valentine for me ): Ohhh wellll. I'm going to be gone anyway. Have fun everyone (: I still dislike Valentine's day hahaha. I don't see why you need a date to make you treat your damn thingthing out !

Buuuuuuuuut okay. I should sleep soon. I've been a bitch cause of lack of sleep .. but maybe it's my rag (:

&&&&&&&&& he's so cute !!!! (: I have no clue when I became too shy to talk to a guy I thought was cute .. how weird !

OH AND YOU LITTLE SIDELINE HOE, STFU. Before you call anyone ugly, look in the damn mirror !

xoxo

Drama.

I am so done with high school drama.

School is sucha drag now. I really hate it. I'd give an arm and a leg to just get out of here.

Thanks for being there for me guys >.>

Showstoppers is in 8 days. Oh. my. gosh. I am soooo excited. I love my team so much. I feel like they've been there A LOT more than friends that I've known since middle school !

My trust issues grow more and more everyday because of these people.

Ughhhh.

I need change. & I want a cutie <3 That dances (: Hahahaha.

Well .. I'm watching Breakfast at Tiffany's for the 2093875927 time. So latuhh.

xoxo

Realizing.

This breakup really opened up my eyes.

I realized I deserve soooo much more. & there are better people out there. I never really talked to this guy before .. but so far he's pretty damn cute :P

I love life right now.

I do admit I miss you, Andrew. =/ But you moved on to .. let's just say .. LOL. Don't wanna say anything mean. Thanks for leaving me for a sideline hoe. Don't come back when you get bored .. thanks.

I'm over it & I thank God I am !

Life has been really fun now that I'm alone, it really shows who my true friends are and who aren't.

Trust will always be an issue with me now. I thought I could trust this onnneee person out of everyone, but I thought wrong.

So yes, thank you for finally giving me a legit reason to leave you. I hope you're happy feeling like a p--------.

2 weeks till showstoppers !

xoxo